If I Only Had Christmas (2020)

IMDB rating: 6.4

Darcy is an overenthusiastic publicist who’s not as good as she thinks she is. She’s convinced herself she’s going to win her company’s annual award for best campaign, but is disappointed—again. Next year ultimately came for the Red Sox (86 years between World Series titles) and Cubs (108 years), so Darcy vows to keep plugging along.

Glenn Goodman is VP of Communications for a tech company that has somehow managed to become an international conglomerate despite being “anti-publicity.” The company finds itself in need of positive press, mainly because no one has seen the president in ten years and investors are getting jittery.

The company sends out a Request for Proposals for a public relations firm to soothe its nervous financiers. Like always, Darcy thinks she would be a perfect match, but her proposal is rejected when Glenn realizes she’s never won any major awards.

Undaunted, she pesters Glenn and offers to work pro bono for the company’s educational trust charity, which seems to be doing just fine, in a backdoor attempt at winning the contract (can it really be called pro bono work if you’re scheming to land a huge contract? And while we’re on the subject, can you really pat yourself on the back for working pro bono for a Fortune 500 tech company? Aren’t there any struggling mom and pop businesses in Kansas that could use some free PR advice, even if it is the kind of bad advice Darcy dispenses?).

Darcy ventures across the country to ingratiate herself with Glenn. Every idea she throws out is either turned down by the trust or a bust, making it obvious why she never won the award. She convinces a local Christmas tree farmer to build a maze and throw up a hot cocoa stand to bring in more business. Sure, he’ll have to pay his employees overtime to work at night, and the 40,000 light bulbs needed for the maze aren’t going to buy themselves, but that five percent increase in sales will make all the difference.

When the venue for the kids’ Christmas pageant is ruined by a totally predictable calamity, she suggests combining the pageant with the company’s annual office party/fundraiser. For no reason at all, she decides to put up a dance floor in front of the stage and volunteers herself to dance a cheesy number while the pageant is going. No reason to let those struggling kids from the afterschool program get all the attention.

Turns out that Glenn’s been Undercover Bossing it, as (major plot twist coming) he is the reclusive owner. When his father passed him the torch, William/Glenn thought it’d be a great idea to hire himself as an executive so he could learn the business from the inside, since he apparently spent no time around the company growing up because no one in the company had any clue he was his father’s son.

During the gala, he reveals his true identity. Devastated to know she’s been lied to or misled or something, Darcy storms away in a huff and flies back to Kansas. Glenn tracks her down a few days later, offers her the contract and asks if she wants to be his new VP of Communications. He sweetens the pot by telling her he’s going to locate his company’s second headquarters in Kansas because he knows there’s no place like her home for Darcy.

Relationship status: After a few months of Darcy’s inane suggestions, Glenn pulls the plug on the relationship and the Kansas expansion and blows out of town like a tornado.

For my hot takes on Hallmark Channel movies, follow me on twitter at @tv_xmasmoviefan. I try to live tweet as many as I can.